Gwar.October25th.TheRave
— Becci needed somebody to go to Gwar with her, and she said she'd pay for my ticket. (I dont nessessarily listen to gwar much, but i've found out they're concerts kick). So I figured It'd be fun to go. We left a little late, then found out theres one lane busy ass traffic for miles and miles ... lame.
It was fun, we were jokin and laughin the whole way up there, just havin a good time. It's so great to actually get along with her so well we're both havin a fun ass time just chillin with each other. Finally past everything that once was ... YEH!
We basically just stayed for Gwar, Becci was tired, and don't like drivin for an hour tired late at night, and I can't drive stick. But gwar was fresh as hell, and more interesting not being totally wasted this time.
They got george bush up on stage, cut off his head, and he sprayed his blood all over the crowd. There was this amphibian guy of some sort, and his hands were cut off. They got Don Vito on stage, ripped off the whole front of his torso, organs dangling, and he bends over and starts spraying shit all over the crowd. Freshness.
Oh yeh, to add something else to the story. Last year also went to Gwar with Becci. And this time, we got lost tryin to get there, the same exact fucking way as last time. Ended up driving the same stretch of roads as last time. We finally got onto Wisconsin Av, but very start of it. I switched to a Gwar Cd, and Becci had reminded me that I did the same time last time we got lost. - Thats Crazy. two years in a row ...
ICP.NECRO.October26th.TheRave
—Alright, so I went over to this one store to get some face paint, Maratt (i think thats what its called), its this pharmacy/costume shop. Guy helped me out, He gave me some tips while I was painting my face. I had planned the day before what I wanted my face to look like. I didnt want to just do J's paint again. I think this is gonna be my paint for when I go to concerts. So I don't look like everybody else. I mean everybody has either J or Shagg paint on. Or Twiztid. Or I'll use it until I think of something fresher.
Goin with me was Mandi, Shlee, and Ashley. It was a good group of people to go with. We all got along pretty well too. I kinda thought Shlee might feel left out because Ashley and Mandi know each other from school, and she had only met both of em a couple of times I believe. But Ashley ended up thinkin Shlee to be one of the coolest people. Shlee is simply awesome.
First up was Motown Rage. I didn't really watch them, I was checkin out the Necro Merch, and waitin for Shlee and Ashley, they were in the ICP merch "line". Becci stopped by, we just sat there unil Motown rage was done, then lil later headed up for Boondox.
Boondox kicked fuckin ass, I mean I've seen him a few times already, but Juggalos are always down for his shit. He played a new song, that was pretty fresh too. Heh, Ashley and I were checkin out all the Juggalettes. Necro was up next, I was filled with excitement.
Necro got up and just tore the fuckin shit up. I was so fuckin geeked, you should have seen the fuckin look on my face, It was like the best time of my fucking life. I had been wanting to see Necro in concert, forever. And to hear him say Juggalo, and Juggalette. Means he appreciates what we are. Thats fresh As Hell.
I feel somebody's hands on my waist, and a bunch of movement, I was like what the fuck. I turn around and theres Shalee, she was like, giving me a hump hello or something, lol. I guess she's been goin from spot to spot goin to the concerts and hit up Millwaukee. Which was fresh, cuz I hadn't seen Shalee since a month or more ago when she came up here. I hadn't got to hang out with her much cuz she had to leave next day.
Ashlee and Shlee wanted to go closer to the stage, I did too. Mandi really couldn't because she's pregnant. I felt really bad. But my life is so fuggin boring I wanted to be up there for ICP, at least for a while.
We all lost each other pretty quickly. I'm pretty close to the stage, some guys ass pushing into my crotch, that was fucking interesting, bleh! I was up there for a while, A guy spilled some beer on me, I was thinkin "oh, that feels good", plus it now smelled like beer and not sweaty men. Sweaty women ... okay, but sweaty men ... no.
I asked him if I could have a sip, cuz i'm fuckin thirsty as hell. Took some effort to take a drink considering the lack of space, and the pushing. ICP had came out with these creepy ass masks on. Shaggy had a mask where his jaw was ripped off, had a big mohawk all fresh lookin, they soon took em off. Jay kinda looked like a purple-brown potato ... lol. Well I mean his mask.
Soon after that I had enough. Was gettin tired. I decided to go get a beer (i usually don't like beer, but this was delicious) i had a soda, and a cup of water, man I was fuckin thirsty. I just kinda chilled, walked around, sat down. I mean once you see Icp a dozen times, you can just chill and be just as happy.
I saw matt, stood near him and Shalee for a while. Danny and Matt walked by me later on. Danny and I had talked about some shit we were upset at each other about, so we got that settled. Which made me absolutely happy. I had havin shit between friends, even though you know its just a bump.
I bought the new Necro cd Death Rap. Bought a Necro tshirt, and the ICP cd Eye of the Storm. I was so geeked when I realized Necro had a new cd out. It came out in September, but I guess not carried at Best Buy? Cuz I had been in there a hundred fuckin times. They have Necro cds, just not the new one, how dumb is that?
Everybody thought the show fuckin rocked, I mean of course. Becci and Danny N Matt left early. The rest of us were gonna go to the after party, but we got fuckin lost. For an hour. And by the time we got to the after party ... it had been shut down, cuz they were too loud, that was a real fuckin bummer.
Ya know, after the concert I felt like, these are my true friends, I seriously have a lot of love for all of them. But I get filled with this happiness because of my friends. Which I try n tell them, but I don't think they understand. Its hard to find good friends. And then when I notice them like they're ignoring or not seeming to realize how I feel. I start to think, I'm just another 'cool' person. I'm not anything special. Then I feel like everything I do for people is pointless, because they don't really appreciate it.
I was so fucking depressed all the way home . I wanted so much for somebody to talk to me or ask me whats wrong, but they didn't. 
People always leave me alone when I get like that, and what I really need is to know that they actually care about me not ignore me and let me "get over it". And I'm not gonna beg or ask somebody to talk to me about it. That'd be me being all about me, I want them to have their own choice, and they do. And they always seem to choose to leave me alone. Which I hate, because I always feel alone. I always feel like i'm not normal enough for the regular population.
I also got depressed, because I can't get a girlfriend. I don't know what to do about it. I don't know how to get a girlfriend. Girls don't even look in my direction, let alone talk to me. And every fuckin lette at the show had a guy. I feel like I'm gonna be alone for the rest of my life.
I wasn't ever gonna ask this. But its like, my chick friends, they must be able to see what it is about me that isn't attractive, they'll all tell me at other times, oh you look fine, you're not fat, blah this blah that. But truth is, they know thats whats not attractive about me. But you think they're gonna say that to my face, they'd rather just play the nice part, and act like it. I just wish somebody would tell me everything I do wrong, that makes me undesireable.
Anyways, I dropped off Mandi, gave her a hug. Dropped off Shlee, she gave me a hug from behind me in the back seat, which was nice. Ashley then asked me what was wrong, which is why I wanted to drop her off last. Cuz I figured she'd talk to me about everything. I *tears* don't think certain people realize how much I love them. I mean, none of them are anything cept a friend, but the spot they have in my heart is big, because they seem so real and caring. I wish I felt that from them. Maybe its just my fucked up brain.
Either way, it was a real fun time.
